Oh life, getting through the little things that seem big to you Because of your weaknesses and self doubts. I love life and wish I didnt have to let myself feel these anxious feelings Tomorrow is Sunday. And I have primary to teach. I want to not feel worried but calm and trusting and prepare to the best I can and know it will all work out like it always does. Oh the joy that would be to be calm all the time but that is just something we'll have to continue to work on. Little by little.

Cured,

At least for the time being,
lol I like it when you can be 'Cured' of things for a while.

Like this baby's due date.. I like it when I can be cured from my worry,wondering state for alittle while
and not worry about it for the time being.

sometimes I think reaching out is a good thing, when I don't have too much to think about after wards..

Like I'm branching out on facebook today and wrote some thoughts out on my recent belly pics
Megs responded with some thoughts like her persanality is to do and I responded back, like my personality is not inclined to do...

It's always a leap of faith in my eyes when it comes to responding with thoughts on facbook..
I never know how they will interprut it and how it will effect them, or me.

I try and be nice but then some times I worry that they will get offended? like sometimes I may read something wrong and get a little set back. maybe not offended but kind of saddened by it..

Opinions have never been my strong point, taking them and expressing my own in return.
I have alwasy worried about butting heads with them or just not being able to express my opinion in the way I would like. you know? its just all plain fear in the end.

Fear has been my motivation (not a good one at all) but it has and I keep knowing that that all needs to change.

And there are times when it does change, for a while or a moment, or a period of time when I am uplifted and emboldened by an idea or my good experiences in it.

baby mine, So many emotions, how do you see them all in the right lighting all of the time? I am pregnant with our first little one some days I am so in love and happy and aware of our sweet little one some days I forget or it does not hit me the same way. I then feel bad, but should I? or just remember again the joy. And then it happens I remember it, the joy the excitement the knowledge that this wee little will be with us soon. I think the closer I get I have felt, lately, that the more I don't know how close he really is A part of me can't trust when it says 2 weeks and 3 days a way because it could actually be 3 weeks a way, it could be less too but its a weird/interesting feeling knowing, I don't know. And you know you never know but I guess you still will have some emotions towards it Like when will he come? will I know. How will it feel Will I feel any warnings before hand that at least the possibility of going into labor can come soon I feel and have felt the desire to be patient I have felt the knowledge that it will all work out and come when its meant to. Or I know this to be the case, I guess it doesn't stop a person from wondering though As much as I always want to be strong about these things, I am not But I do the best I can that is for sure... So ya. life is good. I think a part of me still just doesn't want to recognize it all as coming soon or to not expect it t come on time but to come late bu but then I find myself not thinking about when it may come at ll like in 2 or 3 weeks.. 3 weeks still seems far aw ay so I feel I have time 2 weeks, that feels much closer, but still that is the weird thing.. i do not know if will be that close or not..

If I had the chance to choose what would I choose? If I had the chance to let go what would I let go of? Life is full of so many different things and I wish I could always see them in good light to see them clearly and happily so I feel old and yet I feel so old. I have forgotten how to ramble on about my thoughts or how togmhave dreams I am afraid to hold on to who I was-thr good things And yet can't let go of the negative things the things that hinder me from who I was, what I enjoyed about myself Or from who I think or see or want to be I am afraid of expressing my true self, my true thoughts, my true opinions I feel so different from the normal crowd and wish I could fit in And yet at the same time I feel that way too with the want to influence others for and good But my fear of opinion expression I feel I can not do that